In Honor of My Beloved Namesake

Lots and lots of years ago--I'm talking 1994, y'all--I fired up my state-of-the-art gargantuan 486 CPU and logged onto my very first (and only) America Online account. I can still remember how unbelievable it was to me that I could actually "talk" on the computer to people who were thousands of miles away. It was a mind-boggling thing. I grew to yearn for that sweet, sweet voice to notify me that "You've Got Mail!" I spent countless hours (quite literally) crawling the WWW in those early days just to see who and what was out there.

Soon I realized that I needed a screen name, something a little more personable than jlk00038. I decided to go with my first name and my middle initial (G) attached to "Whiz"-- *****GWhiz (Except instead of *****, I used my real first name. But you already knew that, probably). I chose the "GWhiz" ending because 1) it was a play on a real phrase, and 2) I had a reputation of being a little bit bookwormy, and "whiz" was a way to denote that. I continued to use that same screen name for years in IM applications, email accounts, and forums, even after I graduated from AOL to a "real" ISP.

When the Mr. and I got married, I changed my last name to his last name, and I dropped my original middle name and put my maiden name in its place. So now, there was an "H" where the "G" used to be. What to do with my screen name? *****HWhiz didn't sound right at all. Yep, I had pretty much just ruined my life. Well, OK, not my life, but I had ruined my 11-year-old screen name, and isn't that almost just as bad?

Fortunately, the Mr's (and now my) last name lent itself beautifully to my "whiz" screen name theme. I discovered that if I attached the first few letters of my first name to the first few letters of my new last name and tacked that onto "whiz," I got JezeWhiz, which sounded much like GWhiz. Even more fantastic was that JezeWhiz sounded almost exactly like Cheez-Whiz, which is pretty much my most favorite foodstuff in the whole entire world. Serendipity!

And that is how JezeWhiz was born. Bet you always wondered about that, huh?

However, that is not the most important point here. Yeah, I know--4+ paragraphs of back story, and we're finally getting to the purpose of this whole rigamarole: Cheez Whiz, baby!

I've got some Cheez-y recipes for you, and they're not all completely deadly in the calorie department. However, if you are watching your sodium intake for any reason whatsoever, turn away now. Seriously, my fingers are still swollen from this experiment. It was all worth it, though.

Here are four ways to eat Cheez Whiz in order of (my) least favorite to (my) most favorite:

#1: Not too shabby: Cheezy Pasta 'n' Broccoli. Of course, I had to work in an "'n'" to make the name all cutesy and stuff. Isn't that what Cheez Whiz recipes are all about?

• 1 T olive oil
  
• 1/4 cup finely chopped onion
  
• 3 cups cooked whole wheat rotini (or shells or elbow mac or whatever)
• 1 cup cooked chopped broccoli (I nuked some frozen broccoli and set aside) Also, you can add any other cooked vegetables you like. I threw some diced carrots into this one for color.
  
• 2/3 cup Cheez Whiz

Saute the chopped onion in olive oil over medium heat in a large pot. Add the follow three ingredients and stir until uniformly combined and heated through. Makes 6 servings.

Nutritional Info per serving 1/2 cup serving: 202 calories; 8g fat; 4g saturated fat; 21mg cholesterol; 460mg sodium; 25g carbohydrates; 4g fiber; 9g protein.

#2 Weeknight Favorite: Calabazitas con Queso (Quezo?), aka, zucchini with Cheez. I call this one by its Spanish name because the recipe is one that I lifted from my ex-boyfriend's mother, a Mexican immigrant whose cooking I missed far more than my ex-boyfriend after we broke up. We always just called it, simply, "calabazitas." She makes this with Velveeta--definitely not an authentic Mexican ingredient, but she's been a naturalized U.S. citizen for many years, so what would you expect? The Cheez Whiz version is almost the exact same.

• 2 cups chopped zucchini
• 1 T olive oil
• 1/4 cup chopped onion
• 1/3 cup Cheeze Whiz

Saute onion in olive oil in a nonstick pan until tender. Add zucchini, cover, and cook for several minutes until tender. Add Cheez Whiz and stir until melted.

Nutritional Info per 1/2 cup serving: 117 calories; 9g fat; 4g saturated fat; 19mg cholesterol; 409mg sodium; 7g carbohydrates; 2g fiber; 4g protein.

#3 YUM: Cheezy Roast Beef Sandwich. I really can't say anything about this one, except it's pretty darned delicious. You could probably do a hot ham and cheez version, but the combination of roast beef and onions and Cheez just can't be beat in my book.

• 1 Light English Muffin, toasted (I used Thomas Light English muffins)
  
• 1.5 T Cheez Whiz
• 1.5 oz thinly sliced roast beef
• 1 thin slice onion
• non stick cooking spray

Spray a small non stick pan with cooking spray and lightly brown the onion slice on medium heat. Spread both sides of English muffin with Cheez Whiz. On one side, place browned onion and on other side, arrange roast beef. Pop it in the microwave (open-faced) for about 12 second to warm through. Close sandwich and serve. Makes 1 serving.

Nutritional info per 1 serving: 221 calories; 8g fat; 4g saturated fat; 39mg cholesterol; 1065mg (!) sodium; 28g carbohydrates; 8g fiber; 16g protein.

#4: The reason that I cannot have Cheez Whiz in my house: Nachos, baby.
If I had my choice, and if there were no such thing as POINTS®, I would eat a jar of Cheez Whiz with a big ol' bag of tortilla chips every day. Just like that, dipping the chip into the room temperature cheezy foodstuff goodness until the chips wouldn't reach and I'd have to scrape the jar clean with my finger. But that's just not very lady-like. Or healthy. Rats.

Instead, I made some semi-classed-up nachos that weren't entirely unreasonably junky. Well, OK, they were pretty junky, but man, they were good. Thank goodness for those 35 Weekly POINTS® because this ate up a good chunk of them.

• 1/4 c Cheez Whiz (more or less, probably more)
• 1/4 c Salsa
  
• Tortilla chips. I like the cheap ones.

In a bowl (or in my case, the jar) combine the Cheez Whiz and salsa and microwave until melted. Stir and pour over tortilla chips. Add jalapenos if you want. Nutritional Info per serving: Seriously, who cares?

From top, Cheezy Pasta 'n' Broccoli, Cheezy Roast Beef Sandwich, Calabazitas con Queso. Not Pictured: Nachos. I devoured them before I could take a picture.

All nutritional data provided by www.nutritiondata.com.