What's better than bullets?

Blunk drogging!

Or, drunk blogging, whichever you prefer.

Now that summertime is in full swing, complete with 90 degree temperatures (yeah, whatever, it'll be 112 by September, wah, wah, wah), our little family has adopted a new evening ritual. After dinner (OK, if you want to call a Pop-tart, I mean "Top-Parts!"--that's what Al calls them--and some mixed vegetables and a (singular) chicken nugget "dinner," then that's what I'm talking about) we head on over to the university that virtually sits in our backyard. I like to call it The University of Texas at Nowhere. I hold a Bachelor's degree from this dinky, yet growing, institution. I also hold a Master's degree from Texas A & M at Nowhere, so basically, I've managed to go just one step above Sally Struthers' ICS in the realm of higher education .

Annnnnnyway.

The new evening ritual: We go to the University grounds, where there happen to be a couple of ponds that are teaming with wildlife, and we feed the ducks, turtles, fish, and squirrels our old bread. Then we walk and walk and walk--along the sidewalks past the Business building and the Library, and over to the baseball fields, where we let the kiddo run willy-nilly. Then we walk some more, and just a tad more for good measure. And finally, we head home and plop one very tired little boy into the bathtub and get ready to count him o.u.t.

And then. And then, I pour myself a big ol' glass of the Country of the Day--Eastern Australian Shiraz today, just in case you wondered--and slip into the sweet, sweet embrace of the Wine Buzz. Yes, it takes just one big glass because I am an official wuss. Deal.

And that's what brings us right to this very moment.

And, well, that's all I've got.

I'm just going to publish this damned thing already.

I've been working on this little effer of a post for about three days now. It's a bit of a combo of two things: 1) That "Seven Things" meme that's been floating around out there for a couple of weeks, and 2) the gazillion (it seemed like a gazillion at the time, I promise) post topics that began knocking around my head the moment that I said "break." Typical.

So here are Seven Things That I Thought of During My First Few Weeks of Summer Vacation That Made Me Think "Gah--I've got LOTS of shit to write about!"

• I used to believe that all people who were not from the South were rude and lacking any sense of style and just plain weird. All because of a woman named Julie. (I don't think that anymore, in case you were wondering.)
  

• For my 30th birthday, I treated myself to a boob job.

• I once had two very close girlfriends. We shared everything. I loved them like sisters. There was a rift, and we haven't been friends for six years now. Six years. I miss them.

• I converted to Catholicism as an adult after growing up in a fairly fundamental Baptist church. Now, I am banned from receiving even the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

• Ever since I gave birth, I have been borderline-obsessed with death.

• I have found a way to quench my thirst for travel this summer: I am drinking wines from around the world. So far, I've visited Australia (twice), Chile, California (hey, it's one of my favoritest places on Earth, so shhh.), and South Africa (my favorite so far).

• And wouldn't you know it--for the last two days, I have been wracking my brain trying to come up with a seventh thing, but hell if I can't think of one damned thing. So I'm just going to post this thing already.

Where should I start? You say it, and I'll spill it.

Also, are there seven things you're dying to share with the rest of us? Post 'em up, homies.

Late is better than never, right? (Say yes.)

In an email dated April 24, the beautiful and talented Stacy H. Squirrel said the following:

“Yay! Here are your questions…I can't wait to read your answers.”

I had ASKED to be interviewed by her in a comment to this post. And what is today? June something?

Yeah. I suck.

Two months later, here goes:

S.H.S : You and your immediate family are forced to leave the United States forever. Which country would you move to and why?

JW: Duh, Texas.

Ok, I’ll be serious.

As much as I hate to take the easy way out (of the country), I’m going to have to go with Canada, or as the Mr. would say, Canadia (because that’s where Canadians live…get it? Anyway…). See, on first thought, I was all “¡México, vatos! ¡I speak the idioma, I can still be a maestra! But then, I reread the question, which includes “my immediate family,” and as far as the Mr. and Al speaking some español…yeah, not so much. We’re not all that adventurous as a family, and plus, I kind of sort of know some peeps in the Great White North, so hey, why not Canada? Right?

S. H. S: Which fictional character from a book or movie would you be in real life and why?

JW: Amber Brown. 3rd-4th grade was a good time for me. And Amber, despite her “problems,” has a pretty good set-up and an awesome outlook.

S. H. S: If you could meet anyone on your blogroll (who you haven't met before) who would you choose and why? (and please don't think I expect you to choose me!)

JW: Man, there are so many and for so many reasons. Actually, I would really love to meet the Mrs. Squirrel, because she seems like someone I would hang out with in real life. And Isabel, because she reminds me of my girlfriends from back home. And Zoot, because hers was one of the first sites that I started reading when I was pregnant with Al (and she was pregnant with NikkiZ). And Catherine, because we bonded over swaddling oh, so many moons ago, and because she was one of the first who ever commented on my little ol’ site. And MotherBumper, because she just effing rocks and I would choose her to be my real-life neighbor if #1 ever came to pass, and Liz, because if there was ever anyone that I would ever really meet in real life, it is Liz—she lives in my brother’s borough. Yeah, I know Brooklyn’s big, but the next time I’m in the neighborhood, you can bet there will be a meet-up.

S. H. S.:You get to spend the entire day with anyone you choose, famous or non-famous (past or present) --- that you have not ever met before. Who will it be and why?

JW: Amy Roloff, hands down. She seems very caring and funny and strong and nurturing and somehow manages to juggle four kids and a project-happy husband and a job and volunteer activities and a farm on top of dealing with physical limitations.

S. H. S.: Of all the problems in the world, if you had the power to solve one problem, which one would you solve and why?

JW: Today, I would love to undo the accident that happened on our street today. A 7-year-old was riding his bicycle and was struck by a car when he rode out in front of it. He wasn’t wearing a helmet. He’s in critical condition with extensive head injuries. How I would love to take that all away from his parents and bring him back healthy and whole again.

In fact, every problem that ever caused a child suffering, I would love to eliminate. When we conceive our children, they have no say in the matter. We bring them, innocent and perfect, into a menacing and ugly world. They don’t deserve that. Hunger, abuse, neglect. Fear. Disease. Children don’t deserve to suffer like so many of them do.

Whoa. Major low note there at the end, huh? Sorry about that folks.

I’m going to be easing back into the saddle over the next few weeks, but let me just say this: Summer vacation with a toddler is no vacation, y’all. Fun? Yes. Vacation? HELLZ NO.

BUT!

Wanna chance at being interviewed? I cannot promise promptness. Nevertheless, here are the details:

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” If I don’t have your email address, leave it for me in the comments.

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions, suckahs.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Gone Fishin'

School's out. Finally. And y'all, I've got some stuff that I absolutely must tend to before I go insane. Namely? Cleaning my kitchen and reorganizing my cabinets and redoing the office and basically purging this home of all things clutterly and stressing.

But first, I'm going for a run. And then, I will share a popsicle with my little guy. And then, I'll get to work on the things that I've been longing to tackle for all these months.

And I might not be around here for a little while. Because I want to be here when I can visit you and comment and properly participate in this here community. But until I clear my plate of all that other stuff, I won't be able to do that.

So I'll see y'all in a little while.