We Interrupt This Hangover to Bring You This Important Announcement:

On the 19th day of his 14th month, Al cut his first tooth. Lower left central incisor. It is barely visible but easily palpable. To commemorate the event (Because really? I was thinking that I'd have to commission my stepdad, a retired dentist, to make the kid some dentures), I took a few photos of his final toothless smiles. I'm going to miss that gummy grin.

See a couple more at Flickr.

I'm Too Old For This: Version #19834

Last night for the first time in over two years, I went out. And by "out," I mean to a bar. Where there were many other people. And they were all grown-ups (OK, I use that term loosely). There was a band. There was liquor. There was beer. There was cigarrette smoke. There was gossip and girl talk and laughter. And in the midst of the evening, somewhere between drinks number 3 and 5, I proclaimed my love and affection and nostalgia for the bar scene.

This morning, not so much.

He says "Hogwash." I say "Hell, Yeah."

I guess you could call me a "fair-weather blogger." When things aren't just peachy, I tend to clam up. Granted, things haven't been bad, by any stretch, but the whole Ear Infection That Would Not Stop ordeal has had me a bit preoccupied. And yeah, I felt like somehow, it must be my fault, so instead of spending any free time writing, I spent all of my time researching alternative treatments. Anything to avoid a Big Shot and The Tubes. And while I will probably never be able to say without a doubt that we are absolutely out of the Ear Infection Woods, I think I can say pretty confidently that my efforts have paid off.

The boy is free of infection.

No. Infection.

A little bit of fluid remains in one ear, but it is not, I repeat NOT, infected. The other ear is completely clear. I damned near kissed our pediatrician when he told me that. But I didn't tell him this:

I'm pretty sure that it wasn't that last round of antibiotics that did the trick. Want to know why? Because last Wednesday, the third day of a five-day course, Al was still digging in both ears and fussing excessively and that should not have been the case. I also discovered after an afternoon of internet reading that that particular antibiotic is actually less effective in treating ear infections than the antibiotic he had just tried. That's the day that I kicked MY plan into high gear. The Mr. calls it Hogwash, and I don't give a shit. The boy is better, and that's all that matters.



Here's what seems to be working for us:

Bath and Bedtime:
During Al's nightly bath, while he's playing in the tub, I put 2-4 drops of warm Ear Support Oil mixed with Mullein Oil (mix about 5 parts Mullein to 15 parts Ear Support in a sterile dropper bottle). Doing this during bathtime makes it less messy and a little more pleasant for everyone.

After bath, I rub a little lavender oil mixed with Almond Oil as a carrier) on Al's spine and the soles of his feet to encourage nighttime calmness. I also rub a little behind each ear, massaging in one smooth motion from behind the ear down along the jaw and then on the front of the ear as well. I do this for as long as he'll let me, and at other times during the day when we're sitting quietly. This helps to promote drainage of fluid in the eustachian tubes. Just a word of caution: The kid smells like a flowery loaf of garlic bread at this point.

Nighttime:
We still cosleep (snuggled up to my little flowery loaf of garlic bread, I dream of a lasagne dinner in a meadow of wildflowers), so it's easy for me to monitor Alex's sleeping position. I try to keep him propped up on a pillow so that he's not lying horizontally. Again, this is to promote drainage and prevent more fluid build-up.

Mealtime:
First off, we eliminated all dairy and switched to ProSobee Next Step formula for bottles and the cup. It makes sense that he might have dairy issues given his history with cow juice. Within a week of making this switch, Al's teacher commented about how his runny nose had disappeared. And if anyone knows snotty noses, it's his teacher.

I supplement Alex's food every chance I get (at least once a day) with these three things: Echinacea, Mullein Oil, and Xylitol. Every few weeks or so, he takes a week-long break from the Echinacea to keep from becoming tolerant to its immunity-building properties.

A word about Xylitol. It is a wonder substance for us. It is a natural sweetener, with none of the bitter aftertaste that Stevia has. It still has some carbohydrates and calories (fewer than regular sugar, though), but it actually works to prevent tooth decay and kill bacteria that cause ear infections and sinus infections. Dude!

Of course, every morning, I make sure Al has his vitamins.

And just to show that I haven't gone completely herbal on you, I also give him 1/2 teaspoon of Claritin every morning.

It seems complicated, and it is some extra effort, but it's sure not hurting anyone, so I'm going to stay the course.

And I'm going to go have a beer now.

Waiting to Exhale (that is such a cliche and crappy title, I'm almost embarrassed)

Know why I haven't posted in so long? Well, it's because I've been holding my breath. That's right--holding my breath and crossing my fingers and sticking my tongue out just so. Also, I've been administering garlic/mullein/God knows what else eardrops, performing psuedo-lymphatic massage on the ears, waking in the middle of the night to make sure that the head is elevated, and saying lots and lots of prayers over my kid. This, my friends, is the Ear Infection That Will Not Be Tamed 2007.

Today, we return to the doctor for a re-re-check of the ears. If there is still any infection, the boy will get a big bad nasty shot. And then, we'll probably go see an ENT. And ultimately, he might have to get tubes.

Which, really, in the grand scheme of things? Isn't so bad. It could be much, much worse. But the fact that my child has recurrent and persistent ear infections is all my fault. Right? I mean, isn't it always all the mother's fault? So, while Al finished yet another round of antibiotics (which makes me get all twitchy thinking about resistant bacteria and superbugs and the end of the world), I began implementing my own Dr. Mom's Herbal Plan. It couldn't hurt, right?

We'll receive the verdict this afternoon at 3:30 p.m. (or probably something closer to 4:30, because that doctor's office is NEVER running on time).

This little Effer is longer than it first seemed.

*** I began this entry on Saturday morning. It is now Monday evening. I suck like that.

I'm kickin' it Zoot style this morning. It's 5:10 am and I've already got dishes washed and the house straightened (if by straightened, you count hanging up the coats that were strewn on the kitchen table). But yeah, I got to bed around 8 last night, and that worked out great, especially since The Boy only stirred at 11pm and again at 4am. After he fell back to sleep promptly at 4:05am, I lay there and enjoyed the delicious sounds of his sleepy inhaling and exhaling until I realized that sleep would not be back to visit me. So, I got up.

And now, I actually have the time and the brain energy to write Something. Might the 4am-ish wake-up time be my ticket to some Jeze-time? 4am is damned early, so I'm going to have to think long and hard about that. During an afternoon nap, I'm sure.

Kristin tagged me for this meme that I've been hoping I'd get a turn at. It's not that I really have anything earth-shattering to share, but I really really like these things, for some God-only-knows reason. So, thanks, Kristin, for getting me back in the saddle again, again.

1. Are your parents married or divorced?

My parents divorced when I was 16. So add parental hate/loyalty issues to regular teen angst and you've got my sophomore-through-senior years in high school.

2. Are you a vegetarian?

I spent three years in my 20s as a vegetarian. It wasn't that hard because I never was a huge meat-eater. Now, though, because I'm committed to losing the baby weight and because protein is a big part of that endeavor, I eat beef, chicken, fish, turkey--some kind of meat--everyday.

3. Do you believe in Heaven?

Ooh, boy. This one shouldn't be hard for me, and if my mother were to read this, she'd have a cow. Some days, I suspect that this may be it. That once we're dead, the lights go out. Other days, the fundamental Christian ideals of my childhood win, and I'm sure that there is a God and a Heaven and "once-saved-always-saved" and it is well with my soul because I'm Born Again. Other days, the thinking of my converted Catholic self reprimands my "this is it" self and my Born Again self for not following The Rules and for not having attended Mass in two years and for having married a divorced man whose first marriage was never annulled outside The Church, which, by the way, would have have me excommunicated in the pre-1977 Catholic Church. This thinking says that yeah, there's a Heaven, but are you headed there, sister? Not unless you leave your husband and repent. Something about that whole thing right there just doesn't ring true. My God is a loving and forgiving God, and if I let my spirtual self answer this question, I have to say yes.

I do agree with Kristin's reference to The First Law of Thermodynamics. This usually squelches my "this is it" thinking, at least.

4. Have you ever come close to dying? In my 20s, I participated in some activities that could have very easily landed me in the morgue. I'm thankful that I made it through those years alive.

5. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? A pair of fake diamond earrings.

6. Favorite time of day? Early morning, when the rest of the world is asleep, and I have a little quiet time. Perhaps 4am isn't such a bad idea after all.

7. Do you eat the stems of broccoli? I don't like broccoli. If I eat it though, I usually eat the stems because they are most likely chopped up in a vat of rice and cheese and canned cream of mushroom soup.

8. Do you wear makeup? I luhve makeup and I wear it (at the very least, mascara and lipstick) every single day, unless I'm sick.

9. Ever have plastic surgery? Yes. For my 30th birthday, I bought myself a breast augmentation. I love my bolt-ons.

10. If you did have plastic surgery, what you you do? Weren't you paying attention? I got a boob job, I said.

11. What do you wear to bed? Shorts and a tank top.

12. Have you ever done anything illegal? Sure.

13. Can you roll your tongue? Yes.

14. Do you tweeze your eyebrows? Yes. And I wax them, too.

15. What kind of sneakers? For kicking around town, New Balance. My running shoes are Adidas.

16. Do you believe in abortions? The wording of this question is all wrong. For me specifically, I'm not sure an abortion would ever be the right thing. I do believe in a woman's freedom to make that choice, though.

17. What is your hair color? Brown.

18. Future child’s name? Not gonna happen, y'all. I am done...D-U-N, Done.

19. Do you snore? On occasion, when I'm very tired or drunk or both.

20. If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? Madagascar. Or Great Britain. Or maybe Australia. Or Spain.

21. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Um, no. Unless you consider Al and the Mr. animals, and yeah, on occasion they both go to bed with stuffed tummies, so in that case, OK.

22. If you won the lottery, what would you do first? Hire an attorney and an accountant.

23. Gold or silver? Plack'num, fools.

24. Hamburger or hot dog? Both, thanks.

25. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Ezekiel bread with almond butter and peach preserves.

26. City, beach or country? Today, I've got to go with country. I'm craving simplicity. Well, the kind of simplicity that includes high speed internet access and cell phones along with some chickens and early mornings and homemade bread.

27. What was the last thing you touched? That piece of roast beef that I stuffed into my mouth.

28. Where did you eat last? In my kitchen.

29. When’s the last time you cried? I honestly don't remember. Probably back when I thought Al's Wonderful Daycare was going to close.

30. Do you read blogs? Um, duh?

31. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? I think I probably do pretty often. Sweats, tee, sneakers, yep.

32. Ever been involved with the police? Aside from a couple of tickets, no. And considering some of the things that I didn't mention in #4, that's pretty amazing.

33. What’s your favorite shampoo conditioner and soap? That's something else that changes pretty regularly. Right now I'm loving my Spearmint and Eucalyptus shower gel from Bath & Body Works. Shampoo and conditioner? I guess Pantene? My super-short 'do allows me to not give a damn in this category.

34. Do you talk in your sleep? Yes, and I've been known to walk around, too.

35. Ocean or pool? How about a pool right by the ocean?

36. Sauna or whirlpool? I'm probably the minority here, but I've got to say sauna.

37. Starbucks or Krispy Kreme? Starbucks. Coffee is my crack.

38. Window seat or aisle? Aisle. I may be short, but I need my leg room. And who needs a view when you've got a good book, anyway?

39. Ever met anyone famous? Lil' Jimmy Norton. Careful with that linky-loo. It's not for the easily offended.

40. Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life? Successful in the sense that I think I've come to understand true happiness and what's really important in life? Yes. Successful in the sense that I've achieved/done/seen all that I want to? No way, Jose.

41. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Eh, not a huge fan of spaghetti. In a restaurant, I twirl. At home, I cut and top with cheddar cheese. Faaannnnncy.

42. Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey? They both get on my nerves. But if I have to choose, I'll go with Oprah.

43. Basketball or Football? Baseball.

44. How long do your showers last? Ten to fifteen minutes. Depends on how much shaving I need to do.

45. Automatic or do you drive a stick? Automatic. I'm l.a.z.y.

46. Cake or ice cream? Ice cream. Vanilla. With Coke poured on top.

47. Are you self-conscious? Not nearly as much as I used to be. Life is too short to go around worrying about what other people think. Besides, they're most likely NOT thinking about me anyway. So why even worry about it?

48. Have you ever drank so much you threw up? More times that I'd like to admit.

49. Have you ever given money to a beggar? No. I'm cold and heartless and jaded.

50. Have you been in love? Right now, I'm in love with two of the most handsome and charming and funny and smart men I know.

51. Where do you wish you were? In bed with a long trashy book and no plans for a week and a full-time live-in nanny.

52. Are you wearing socks? Yes.

53. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? No.

54. Can you tango? I think I learned once when I attended a ballroom dancing class my freshman year in college.

55. Last gift you received? My most amazing and excellent coworker sent a student to my room with a Hershey bar for me this afternoon.

56. Last sport you played? Probably golf. I'm sure I was sucking it up, too.

57. Things you spend a lot of money on? Groceries, health foods and herbs, stuff for Al.

58. Where do you live? In my house. In the middle of my street.

59. Where were you born? Lone Star, Texas, y'all.

60. Last wedding attended? A friend of my husband. Actually, the little brother of my husband's ex-girlfriend. The kids were way too young to be getting married, but it was a sweet wedding.

62. Favorite position? See #51.

63. Most hated food(s)? Brussel sprouts and broccoli.

64. Most hated soda pop. Big Red. Haaaaaaaaaaaate.

65. Can you sing? Sure.

66. Last person you instant messaged? I haven't used IM in over a year, so I couldn't tell you.

67. Last place you went on holiday? NYC. That was a year and a half ago.

68. Favorite regular drink? Water. And Coffee.

69. Current Song? "Everything" by Buckcherry.

70. Tag 3 friends. Dude, I'm pretty sure that anyone I'd tag already did this last month. So, yeah, um, if you're game, consider yourself tizzagged!

Excuses, excuses.

So, um, yeah. How does this work again? I write some words here, right? Ok, yeah, it's all coming back to me now. I think.

Even the Mr. has noticed my lack of posting. He asked me today if I got kicked out of blogging.

No, I replied, I've just been so busy. And so tired. And I'm so tired of posting about how tired I am, so I just don't write anything at all.

You know how people will explain themselves when they have trouble remembering some piece of data, and will say, "I'll have to double check the that we agreed upon at our last meeting, because I've slept since then, you know."

Well, my new pat explanation for forgetfulness is this:

"Oh, you'll have to excuse me. I haven't slept since then."