First off, thank you for reassuring me that I'm not a crazy psychotic wimp. For some reason, I almost felt guilty admitting that things were not all rosy and wonderful during those first couple of weeks, but I had two reasons for putting it out there: 1) I just needed to get it out, and 2) I really did wish that I had known it could be so hard, and if I can help a mom-to-be prepare for what might happen, I think that's a good thing.
Second, I want everyone to understand that no matter how bad the adjustment period was for me, I love my son fiercely. He is the sunshine of my life (sorry, Stevie Wonder).
Now, there is just one more thing that I really need to tell you, and then, I promise I'll shut up about the postpartum gore. (Actually there is another "one more thing" that I'm going to write about at a later date, but I'm taking my time on that because I really want it to be just right. ANYway...)
If this turns out to be TMI, I apologize. But it is important.
OK, you know when you go for your 6-week postpartum check-up and you get the all-clear for, ahem, activity?
Well.
I think there are already plenty of articles and discussions out there about the fact that HELLO?! who has the energy or the desire to take part in activities when you're tending to a six-week old infant?
But there's more. Say, on the off chance that you do muster up the interest and energy to take part in some fun. Well, just to add to the fun, it hurts. As in, oh-hell-no-I'm-not-going-through-with-this.
Why that surprised me, I have no idea. But after reading some articles and comments on Babycenter.com, I found that it's much more common that one would think. It's even more common in moms who had prolonged labors (Hi, y'all!), and in moms who breastfeed (how about short moms with brown hair who live in Texas?). It even happens to moms who had c-sections. It's just another gift from the Hormone Fairies. Bitches. I think most articles refer to it as "discomfort." Those articles were probably written by men, too, because if that was discomfort, someone needs to revamp the Pain Scale.
So, at the end of the most harrowing six weeks of my life, I discovered that I was broken.
Fast-forward three weeks. Things are better. Not 100%, not even 80%, but I'd say a respectable 65% better. Enough so that I can write about it and say, "Yep, that parts sucks too, but it also gets better."
Dudes, did I miss the memo that warned us all not to tell anyone about these things? Are the Postpartum Police on their way over to bust in my door and confiscate my computer? 'Cause if they are, well, oopsy.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
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6 comments:
Keep the honesty coming!! I love it, crave it, need it. To paraphrase NWA: Fuck the postpartum police!
My thoughts?
1. One guess is that the whole 'motherhood' industry would look a lot different if everyone just 'fessed up to how freakin' hard it all is. It's less fun to shop when you're terrified (ok, I managed to keep it up. But still!) We'd be buying less stuff for the nursery and spending more time huddled in corners, trembling. Or...
2. ... not having children at all. Keeping the lid on the ginormous mind and body fuck (pardon the french that is pregnancy, childbirth, and new parenthood is society's way of making sure that we continue to propagate.
3. What I think is the primary reason, however, is something that you incidentally alluded to in the post. We're afraid to speak the truth to people who aren't/aren't yet mothers because we're afraid that they won't understand. That they'll think we're bad/PPD/unloving/incompetent/whatever. Good mothers don't have it so fucking hard, right? RIGHT? I was terrified to tell anyone how hard it was at first because I thought they would interpret it as 'doesn't love the baby enough.' I love that baby more than life itself, but I've also been pretty fucking miserable (whoa with the language today!) throughout the process of bringing her here and caring for her. That's hard to get the mind around.
Which is why other blog mommies are such a lifeline. They - you - KNOW.
And they/we can speak the truth...
Urban Mommy--Don't worry, I'm on a roll! And despite all the negative points I've made recently, I am very excited for you! Just as it's not all pretty, it's not all ugly, either. :-)
2BL--You are exactly right-on, especially with #3. I even lied to my husband and told him I had a case of the "blues" and "cabin-fever." He would have been heartbroken if I had told him how I really felt.
Honestly you guys? I needed to write that post quickly because I felt myself forgetting parts of that period. As hard as it was, I just didn't want to forget what that time was really like.
Oh man...my husband does not need to know this. (but thanks for sharing with me!)
FABULOUS!!! I agree with 2BL's #2. I also feel like I am about to be initiated into a top-secret sorority.
I love 2badladies. She's right. No one warns you about anything because we can't admit to ourselves that we maybe feeling like we're failing at it. It was only talking with other women who felt the exact same feelings I did about the first six months, that I started to feel, like, hey most women go through this. It is hard. But it really does get better after a year or so....not necessarily easier. but at least they start to talk like mini humans. And you will laugh a lot more.
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