Praise the Lord...

...and pass the ammunition. Of which we have plenty.



Hello, we live in Texas. And we bear arms. And we're damned good at it.

The electricity stayed out for about 4 hours yesterday. During that time, I read a little, took a nap, and then ate some ice cream, because it would be a downright shame to let that creamy goodness melt and spoil.

The storm wasn't nearly as bad as everyone anticipated, thank goodness. Today, we have a mess in the yard, but that's about it.

And maybe some of the evacuees will be leaving soon, too. Now, don't misunderstand. I am all about helping my fellow man. But in the past few weeks since Katrina, I've become a bit jaded. Our townspeople have opened up their homes, their churches, and their schools to displaced hurricane victims. We have given them money, food, water, clothes, linens, and services. And many of our guests have reciprocated by trashing the facilities, using illegal drugs in our places of worship, engaging in violence, and complaining that we're not giving enough. A friend of mine who is a city police officer emailed all her girlfriends, warning us to be careful and not go out alone because of the incidents and attitudes that she had observed in the shelters. One town south of us reported gunfire and homicides in one of its shelters on Friday.

Do I anticipate that we'll need to resort to using firearms to keep our home and ourselves safe during all of this? No, I honestly don't. But in a society that seems to be steadily declining in terms of basic morality where the general attitude is "every man for himself and screw the rest of the world," we will continue to own guns and we will continue to engage in target practice and we will enjoy it and not feel one bit guilty about it. When Mortimer arrives, we realize we will have to lock the guns all up. Even a top closet shelf isn't safe enough when a curious little one is around. But when the time is right, my son will learn how to handle a gun. And with plenty of supervised practice with his papa and me, he'll be good at it, too.

Hey, Rita.

Bring it on, beeotch.

I'm trying my best to post and do lesson plans before the electricity goes out. No, I am not overreacting--on my street, the lights go out when a squirrel lands too hard on the power line, so with 30mph winds? We'll be reading by flashlight and playing Trivial Pursuit. And I WILL regain the Trivia Championship. We've got plenty of PB&J, Pop-Tarts, chips fruit, and water. No worries here.

Seems that Rita decided to tone it down a little as she downgraded her bitchiness to Category 2. But this morning, after a night of 110+mph winds and 15-20 foot storm surges, folks down on the coast undoubtedly have a world of hurt to deal with. And New Orleans' 9th Ward is flooded again.

So as I fill pitchers with filtered water from the fridge while it is still running, drink my half-decaf coffee, type my little heart out on mundane platitudes, plan a couple of lessons, and wash a few clothes while the lights are still on, I am grateful that the inconvenience of lost power is the most daunting problem I will face today. (That and sentences that are way too long.)

Really Good Stuff

I've discovered two cool products in the last couple of weeks that have changed my world. Well, maybe the result hasn't been quite that dramatic, but they're nifty nonetheless.

#1: Shutterfly Prints. I know, I know, this is not news. However, I had never actually ordered prints from them and because they were running a very cheap promotion, I decided to give it a go. The prints. Are. Outstanding. Seriously. Scanned photos and shots from my digital camera all came out perfectly. Who knew? Now, I can get good prints from my own digital shots after I've cropped and touched up and all that jazz. Turnover is very quick. And did I mention the prints look amazing?

#2: This:
It rocks. That's all I have to say about it.

Local News and Mean Man in the Yellow Shirt

My Baby's Daddy works in the construction business. In this day and age and economy, that can sometimes be more than a little frightening if you sit down and really think about it. So usually, I just don't think about it, and that's working pretty well for me.

Fortunately, we live in an area where people just seem to keep on building stuff (I'm knocking on my MDF desktop--that's wood, right?). In fact, we're home to last years HGTV Dream Home. And now, we're hosting another high-profile home-building extravaganza: The 2-Hour Home. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, for some unGodly reason, the builders' association here thought it would be a great idea to build a home in less than 2 1/2 hours and beat a 20-year-old world record. Now, if I were looking to buy a home and my realtor told me that a particular house had been constructed from the ground up in just two-and-a-half hours? I'd say faggehtaboutit and walk away. But, hey, that's just me. Everyone else seems to think that a two-hour home is an awesome buy. Realtors have been clammoring for exclusivity, even. Go figure.

So, the Mr. has been cutting in roads and building house pads and other dirt work requiring heavy equipment and his excavating expertise (which I think is just damned sexy, by the way) in the development where the houses (there will be four of these babies) will be built. And today, the building crews were to build two of those houses in a trial-run for the main event in a few weeks. Naturally, we went to check it out.

Get this: The cement used for the slab is some high-tech concoction designed to start setting up in about 60 seconds. 60 seconds, people. Nothing can be done ahead of time. The plumbers came out last night and set out pipe, made note of the pattern, then took everything up again. When we arrived, every type of contractor imaginable--from landscapers to framers to roofers--were at their stations and ready to go.

So, here's how the morning went:

8am: Official starting time. A lot of people milling around waiting for cement trucks to arrive.

9:30am: All 14--7 for each house--cement trucks are in place and the official timer starts. Trucks start mixing super-duper-high-tech cement.

10:00am: House #1 takes a nasty hit as the cement from one truck seems to be setting up before it even hits the pad. Workers are working frantically to smooth it out. Not happening. On the other house, the cement came out wet enough that the slab's looking almost decently smooth.

10:05am: Men are walking on that cement that was just poured only minutes ago.

10:30am: Slab from House #1 is being torn completely out and construction has stopped on it. House #2 is coming along. The roof is being assembled separately while plumbers and electricians and framers toil busily away.

11:00am: The first wall is just going up and the clock already shows an hour and a half. I'm hot and starving and really really really need to pee, and The Mr. is starving too, so we leave and go to Sonic.


We'll probably drive out there tonight to see how it all looks.

I don't care what anybody says. The teacher in me just can't stop associating quick with sloppy.

But then again, maybe that's just me.


Oh, and I almost forgot. I took the camera because I thought there might be some interesting stuff going on. There was. I couldn't see it. There was this asswipe in a yellow shirt on the front row of lawn chairs who was holding up this big stupid umbrella for the first hour. And then? He decided to stand up (he was in the FRONT ROW FOR CRYING THE HELL OUT LOUD!) for another hour or so. When he got tired of standing, and finally sat the hell down? My camera's batteries went dead. And I didn't take spares. So here's a photo of the asswipe and his stupid yellow shirt.

Dude, we're old.

My husband's computer got a virus the other day. We're networked, but not so tightly that our viruses are contagious. Thank God. I could go into how he got the virus to begin with, but that would be a whole 'nother post. And it's not all that interesting anyway. What is a little funny, though, is the crap he's had to go through trying to get rid of the bug. This has been going on for about a week now:

Mr.: Finds forum of computer geeks who work on "fixes" for viruses and worms and such. Types detailed description of problem and includes a log read-out of everything his computer is doing. (OK that's a very, very, very simplified description of that log thing, but I only had to do it once, and I forgot what program does it and exactly how. Anyway.)

Forum Techno-God: Gives the Mr. instructions and says "Try this then post another log. Then we'll do the next step."

The Mr.: Does it. Posts log. Waits for reply.

The next day...

Forum Techno-God: Gives the Mr. more instructions and reminds him to post the log again so he can see the progress.

The Mr.: Does it. Logs it. Waits.

The next day...

Forum Techno-God: Again, gives the Mr. some instructions and requests log for further diagnosis.

The Mr.: Does it. Logs it. Waits. Checks Techno-God's profile for location. He's in Singapore. No wonder he's having to wait so long for replies.

Forum Techno-God: Tells the Mr. they're almost done. Gives more instructions, requests log.

The Mr.: Does it. Logs it. Waits. Reads a bit more on troubleshooting forum. Learns that the dude helping him is 14-years old.

And I crack smooth up.

Everyone Else Does It (Updated 7/7/07)

So here it is. The One-hundred-some-odd Things About Me List:

1. I was born in Lone Star, Texas. One of my college roommates used to say that this made me the ultimate Texan.
2. I came *this* close to moving to Southern California in 2000.
3. I had a typical “Leave it to Beaver”-esque upbringing.
4. But my parents divorced when I was 16. It wasn’t easy, but it ended up being the best thing for all of us.
5. My younger brother is a true genius.
6. We’re not super-close, and we disagree on most issues, but I love him like crazy and I value his opinion.
7. One of my favorite Thanksgivings was in 1995 when my brother, his best friend, a guy the best friend brought from the Army base, my mom, and I stayed up all night trying to stump each other with logic riddles.
8. I’m a geek like that.
9. I loved school when I was growing up.
10. I still love school.
11. Since 1976, school has never started without me.
12. I was the salutatorian of my high school graduating class.
13. There were only 126 of us.
14. My best friend in grade school and I have the same birthday.
15. I haven’t spoken to her in over ten years.
16. I spent my freshman year in college living in a dorm that had a larger population than my home town.
17. I transferred to a much smaller university the following year. I hated the whole social/party college thing.
18. I joined Weight Watchers when I was 21. I weighed 132 pounds.
    
19. I was a border-line anorexic by the time I was 27. I weighed 100 pounds.
20. I finally got healthy a few years ago, but I’ll always struggle with weight/image issues.
21. I got married three months after I graduated from college, and I still can’t tell you why.
22. I had known him for five months and we went to Vegas.
23. We divorced 2 ½ years later. I’m surprised it lasted that long.
24. He was a flaming liberal democrat. And a lazy slob.
25. I am neither of those things.
26. I got my first cavity when I was 25. At 36, I got another one. I'm blaming that one on the M&Ms habit that I developed while breastfeeding my son.
    
27. I got my first speeding ticket when I was 32.
    
28. I spent a lot of time partying in my mid-late twenties (after the Vegas marriage fiasco).
29. I was a kindergarten teacher at the time.
30. I was really good at sobering up and pulling together a demure professional look in time to sing the “Good Morning” song.
31. If I had to do that now, I would probably lose my job.
32. I spent a lot of years working at a relationship that ended up going nowhere.
33. I think I knew from the beginning it wouldn’t work. It took me about 6 years own up to that.
34. That relationship taught me a lot about all the wrong things.
35. I got my master’s degree in Educational Administration in 2003. I took a job in school administration immediately.
36. I hated that job. I went back to teaching as soon as I could.
37. I teach 4th grade now and I love it.
38. I’ve worked in the same school for 14 years.
39. It’s in one of the poorest areas of our town and all of my students are impoverished and are still learning English. I wouldn’t want to teach anywhere else.
40. I believe that my job is my calling, my vocation.
41. I have had plastic surgery.
42. I have two tattoos.
43. I met the Mr. when I was 31 years old. His ex-wife’s sister introduced us.
44. I almost didn’t go out with him when she told me he worked in construction because I assumed he’d be just another “Bubba” construction worker.
45. He totally won me over with his impeccable grammar.
46. And his wicked, wicked sense of humor.
47. And his Keanu Reeves/Chris Klein good looks.
48. And a reference he made to “Of Mice and Men” during one of our early conversations. (I thought he was talking about the book. He was talking about the movie. I didn’t hold that against him, though.)
49. He kicks my ass at Trivial Pursuit. I’m pretty good at Trivial Pursuit.
50. He’s very conservative.
51. Just a tiny bit more than I am.
52. He doesn’t have any tattoos.
53. The Mr. is very, very, very good-looking. He hates it when I say that. He doesn’t care about looks and thinks other people shouldn’t either.
54. We got married on November 15, 2003. By a minister. In a chapel. With friends and family surrounding us. I was 32 years old.
55. I had always wanted an autumn wedding with pumpkins and gourds and Indian corn for decorations.
56. That’s exactly what we had. I made almost everything, from the flowers to the favors to some of the food, even. It was perfect.
57. The Mr. and I both had bad hair days for our wedding. The photos are atrocious. I don’t care.
58. I like my husband’s ex-wife. We get along very well. Some people think this is weird. They should get over it.
59. I was a vegetarian for over two years. I often think about returning to vegetarianism. I don’t really like meat anyway.
60. I started doing yoga in 1998. That was the same year I stopped eating meat.
61. Later that year, I developed an ovarian tumor. I don’t think it was related to the yoga or vegetarianism, but it was a little ironic.
62. That tumor had to be removed, along with the ovary and fallopian tube that it had attacked.
63. Evidently, my remaining ovary is pretty fertile.
64. At 34, I had my first (and probably only) child.
    
65. His name is Alex.
    
66. I was in labor for over 19 hours. It was worth it.
    
67. Irresponsible people make me very angry.
68. People who go to nice restaurants and do not know the proper way to use the plates and utensils annoy me immensely. Your bread plate is to your left and your drinking glass is to your right, people. Quit eating off of my bread plate.
69. In general, I am an etiquette fiend. I think more people should be.
70. I don’t always use proper etiquette.
71. But I do always write Thank You notes.
72. I have a hardcover copy of Emily Post’s Etiquette that I have read from cover to cover.
73. Twice.
74. I keep a bookmark in it.
75. I hate to vacuum.
76. I Google people I know.
77. I don’t think Zabasearch is the devil.
78. I think dogs are animals, not people.
79. I had a dog. He was awesome.
80. But then, I got married and he just didn’t fit into the family dynamic. Actually, he and the Mr. hated each other.
    
81. So I let another family adopt him.
82. I love my husband more than any dog. I don't feel one bit guilty about that.
83. As a child, I loved cats.
84. I’m allergic to cats. I was an adult before I developed that allergy.
    
85. I love classic Southern rock. The Mr. hates it.
86. Once, while in Southern California, I heard Lynard Skynard’s “Sweet Home Alabama” on the radio. It didn’t fit in there. I realized then that I couldn’t move.
87. I love Santana, Maná, Ricardo Arjona, Billy Joel, Elton John, and most of the songs from the High School Musical Soundtrack. The Mr. hates them all.
88. We both like alternative hard rock. I'm especially partial to Rob Zombie.
    
89. Fanny Flagg’s book, Fried Green Tomatoes led me to make a life-altering decision. I never saw the movie.
90. I love trash literature. That’s still hard for me to admit.
91. I listen to and appreciate and laugh hysterically at very inappropriate “blue” humor.
92. If my mother heard some of the bits that I think are funny, she’d pass smooth out.
93. I once made a joke that even the Mr. thought was just wrong.
94. No, I won’t tell it, because if he thought it was too much, you’d never speak to me again.
95. But I still think it’s funny. Very.
96. I used to almost never watch television. But then, we got DVR.
97. Now, instead of the History Channel, TLC, and the Discovery Channel, I'm watching Dead Like Me marathons and The Closer and Ugly Betty, and CSI: Insert City Name Here.
98. I cannot bring myself to delete the final episode of Veronica Mars from my DVR.
    
99. I think Lifetime is crap.
100. I am addicted to the internet.
101. If I can’t look something up right away, I get anxious.
102. I love crossword puzzles.
103. And Su Doku
     
104. I never do my fingernails, but my toes are always done.
105. I think chipped nail polish is quite possibly the trashiest thing in the world.
106. I think white shoes that aren’t athletic shoes are the second trashiest thing in the world. I don’t care who designed them or how much they cost.
107. I do most of my shopping at Wal-Mart and Target.
108. I’ll spend real money on jeans, shoes, and bags, though.
109. My “style” is jeans or neutral-colored pants and a brown or black t-shirt.
110. I will not wear frilly, complicated, frou-frou clothes.
111. I hate drama.
112. But I tend to get a little dramatic when the circumstances are just right.
113. I thought that because our child is a boy, that our home would be immune from additional drama.
114. Boy, was I wrong about that.
115. I can't end a list on a number that does not end with 0 or 5.